is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i've created a new STD.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
