there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
