i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
