Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
