I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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