How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
