If that was your dad, he is hot
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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