My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
