This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
