Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
