i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
