Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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