This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
