Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
