fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
