can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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