dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
