Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
