also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
