I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
