everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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