just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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