and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
soo... how was my night?
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