there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
