I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
