i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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