and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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