I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
