is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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