what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
