**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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