i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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