Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
