Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
