she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
