I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
