a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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