I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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