I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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