Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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