trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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