I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
