Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
