I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
worst night to have a conscience
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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