her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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