I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
