fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
