Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
did you just send me my own nude
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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