i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
