Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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