Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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