So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just had sex on a roof
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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