Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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