I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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