I want to have your abortion
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
farters have to be the big spoon...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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