my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
