Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
