My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
