Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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