i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant