This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
