We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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