Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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