got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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