The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
