Can i not drive my cunt home
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
