new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
