don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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