Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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