i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
