I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
