I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
