I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
