I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hippo gnu deer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
